Enclose My Aching Soul
by Bleachedechelon
Summary: Byakuya and Renji are finding their relationship struggling due to a dark past between them that neither is willing to face. When the pretty parts of them fade away, will they still love what they find buried underneath? (Byakuya X Renji or ByaRen)


With his head sideways, the world was a blur. He could faintly see the shapes of houses, the glow of the street lamps. The engine was a soft purr, and nothing more. The wheels rolled along the street with ease, crunching rocks and the occasional trash underneath. His eyelids were still open just barely but his eyes had lost all focus, and all energy.

The silence was beautiful, the silence was perfection, the silence was the best sound he had ever heard. But if he focused carefully he could make out the steady breathing of the man driving, his grip of his hands on the steering wheel as he turned, the push of his designer leather shoe against the clutch of the car even more lux than the shoes on his feet. He shifted the car into a lower gear as they rolled up to the stop up ahead.

He allowed his head to roll over from the window view to look at the driver, he could feel his neck muscles ache with the movement.

He was even more gorgeous than he last remembered, the yellow lamps of the street saturated through the glass windows of the car, shining off his raven hair, illuminating his lily white skin.

"Do you..." He paused, "Love me?"

Grey eyes snapped over to him, melted yet cold all at the same time. "Renji..." His words were smooth, his hands shifted the car, and they were off again. "That's a childish question."

"Do you love me?" He repeated more sternly.

The man with black hair's lips tightened just barely, only noticeable by those who knew him very well. "Yes." He said simply.

"How much?" Renji pressed on further.

"Renji, this is ridiculous."

"How much?" His voice came close to a desperate, shrill yell.

"A lot. You know this very well, Renji." The car hummed as a quiet background noise. "Now remain quiet, save your strength."

Renji let a weary smile cross his face, it was almost sad in a way. "I love you Byakuya, I love you..."

Byakuya looked over, his eyes softening into two grey galaxy pools. "I know." His slender hand gripped his knee. "Now, close your eyes." His hand tightened on his knee just barely before letting go once more.

"Byakuya, just one more thing.." Renji's head fell back, allowing him to see the darkened streets once more.

"Yes?" Called out that voice that was always so patient with him, although he did not receive that patience back in return.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to put you through this, you'd be better off without me." The words faded away and all that was left was the sound of other cars rushing past.

"Don't speak anymore." Byakuya commanded, his hair falling down ever so slightly, just enough to block his view of Renji. Renji sighed, letting his bloodshot eyes close, and letting the rustle of the moving car lull him to sleep.

He awoke to the feel of Byakuya's hands nudging him up to a standing position, the cup of his hands under his armpits was uncomfortable like a child being held up the wrong way. He groaned, his eyes coming to.

"Renji, help me out here.."

Byakuya's hair had lost some of its glow in the past weeks, and he was in his mid-thirties but it was still odd when one morning he had been running his hands through that once thick black mass of hair and had found a white one nestled at the base of his forehead. Renji had quickly plucked it out, for he knew that Byakuya would've been under even more stress if he had found the hair. His eyes had a bad tendency of having purple bags under it too lately, yet he shielded it with fine sunglasses, although he could never hide his true exhaustion from Renji. As Renji tried to move his legs he recalled when him and Byakuya had been much happier.

_"Oh, Bya-kun..." Renji called out in a sing song voice, throwing open the curtains to let the light shine into the bedroom. _

_Byakuya threw a pale arm up to sheild his eyes from the sun, "Kun?" He questioned wearily. _

_"Of course." Renji smiled, his teeth filling out his face perfectly. He practically dived into the big bed, the comforter bouncing up around him. _

_Byakuya threw the blanket over him in an attempt to hide from Renji but Renji merely went under the blanket as well, catching the slender man in his arms he released a laugh. _

_Byakuya let a rare barely there smile grace his lips, "What's with this awakening?" _

_Renji leaned down and kissed him delicately, "Happy anniversary Byakuya. I love you." _

Renji now was awakening in a different bed, this bed was cold and although Byakuya was in it, it was desolate. He weakly crawled over to his savior, his angel. Without Byakuya, he'd be dead by now surly. He snaked his arms around him, surprised to find that Byakuya was sweaty to the touch. The raven haired man jumped at his touch, letting out a gasp.

"It's me.." Renji quietly reassured.

Byakuya let out a few more jagged breaths, "Renji, you can't just do that to me."

"I used to all the time."

"Yes.." Byakuya settled back into the bed. "But that was a long time ago. Or so it seems."

Renji let out a sigh of frustration, "I'm sorry." He unwrapped his arms and withdrew away, turning around.

He was surprised when he heard Byakuya rolling back over to face him. He was even more surprised when he felt his bony and now almost frail arms embrace him hesitantly.

"I still love you. Don't do this to us anymore. You're all I have." Renji would've cried, if his tear ducts had not been completely drained from the tears he had exhausted in the past year.

"You know I love you, Byakuya. It's you who's turned your back on me. I don't blame you, I'd hate me too."

Byakuya's teeth gritted in frustration, "God dammit Renji. I don't hate you."

"It would be easier if you did."

Byakuya flew up from the bed, slipping on his slippers he fled towards the bathroom. "Byakuya, where are you going?" The door to the bathroom slammed shut in response.

When Byakuya entered the bathroom it was blindingly white, yet littered with towels and clothes and all the things he had given up on cleaning. He went to the sink, letting the water cascade into the bowel. He splashed at his pallid skin with water, and it was then that he accidentally saw his reflection in the mirror.

Black hair was clumped together, purple shadows on fair skin, and a wrinkle of worry tugging at the center of his brows. He frowned at himself before throwing open the cabinet, inside he shakily shuffled around for the right bottle of pills. He popped open the lid, pouring probably more pills than what was necessary into his hand he swallowed them dry. A knock on the door startled him so badly that he dropped the bottle, the white cylinder shaped pills scattered across the bathroom tile.

"Shit." Byakuya once again swore uncharacteristically.

"Byakuya?" Renji called out.

"What?" Byakuya managed, scooping up the pills frantically.

The door clicked open, to reveal an exhausted Renji Abarai. He silently stepped over to Byakuya who had frozen his actions. Renji slid down on the floor next to him, picking up the bottle he spoke the label out loud. "Xanax." Renji lowered the bottle, "Byakuya, don't take too many of these."

"I'm not." He responded defensively, snatching the bottle back from Renji's hand.

"You already took 5 today, and that's just the ones I saw you take."

"You're the one to talk about substance abuse. Who had to come and get you again tonight because you were too drunk to manage your way home? You're such a hypocrite."

Renji lowered his head into his hands, "Fuck," He balled his hands into fists. "What the fuck do you want me to do?"

"Leave me alone." Byakuya responded plainly, easing up from the bathroom floor.

"If you want to fucking end this, tell me!" Renji's eyes managed a few tears from the dry ducts, they ached and burned a familiar path down his face.

"Renji, please, get your emotions in order." Byakuya's voice was guarded as he placed his anxiety medication back in the cabinet.

"Oh, you mean hide them like you always do? You know what? I don't think I ever saw you cry once. You're a heartless bastard, that's what you are."

Byakuya turned, sharply striking Renji across the face, "Just because you didn't see it, that doesn't mean a god damn thing Renji."

"Finally you hit me. It's better than the usual emotionless cold shoulder I get." Renji displayed a small, twisted smile, as he laughed quietly to himself. Byakuya sighed, wringing his hands with frustration. With a toss of his lifeless hair he left the bathroom.

_The room smelt like sakura's. It smelt just like Byakuya. He breathed in his scent, he let it fill him, he let it sink into his pores. The warm water of the bath eased it's way around his body, the ripples in the tub splashing gently against his skin._

_ "Is the water nice?" A silky voice called out. _

_"Ah, yes." Renji smiled contentedly, closing his eyes for a brief moment, when he opened them up again, he saw Byakuya at sitting on the rim of the tub, his grey eyes calm and subdued. _

_Their lips met quietly and briefly, Byakuya's silky hair brushing against his bare cheek. Renji smiled as he reached up to grab Byakuya in closer, "Come and join me?" _

_"Of course..." Byakuya reached to undo the tie on his fine kimono but paused before he did. "But first, Renji, I think that it's time that we discussed about, you know.." Byakuya paused, his lids falling in an almost nervous action. _

_Renji's fire colored eyes widened, "Really? You really want to go through with it? I mean, I'd love too. Finally, I'd have everything I ever wanted, with you.." He had never smiled bigger in his entire life than in the dim light of that bathroom._

The sun had risen on another day. Byakuya awoke ungracefully, his leg hanging off the edge of the empty bed, no Renji in sight. He hadn't seen him since last night's fight. When he finally arose to find him, he felt his limbs snap and rearrange, had he always felt this old?

He made his way into the bathroom, where he found Renji uncomfortably sprawled out on the unforgiving bathroom floor. In his deep sleep, he looked a lot less disarrayed, he looked like he used to. Byakuya bent down, sweeping a long strand of crimson hair out of his face. Even if he wanted to, he could never let Renji go. They'd already been through so much, he knew Renji needed him just as much, that he still loved him just as much.

He placed a small kiss on his tattooed forehead. "Renji.." He whispered, "Get up." His once smooth and now worn hands stroked his lovers face.

Renji stirred, his eyelids fluttering open, "Byakuya?"

"Yes."

"What happened?" Renji groaned from discomfort.

"You fell asleep on the bathroom floor." Byakuya almost laughed despite himself.

"I did?" Renji arose, "How stupid of me." He shook out his hair, running his hands through it. "My hair is a mess."

"I could wash it for you, if you want." Byakuya's eyes were still so tired looking even though he had slept plenty.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course." Byakuya struggled to put on a convincing face.

The bubbles from the shampoo smelt like sakura, it reminded Renji of when Byakuya smelt like the pink flower everyday, like heaven it was. His hands still possessed skill as they massaged his scalp, lathering every inch of his blood red hair, cleaning it root to tip.

"Renji I-" Byakuya began, then stopped, looking down at his work instead of speaking.

"What is it you want to say?" Renji sounded genuinely interested, his eyes sparking with curiosity.

"I'm sorry, about last night."

"It was just as much my fault as it was yours...as it always is. I'm sorry too."

"I just wonder," Byakuya began rinsing Renji's hair, "How many times we can say sorry before it's one too many? What happens when one day you get fed up and leave? Or what if I do the same to you?"

"I will never leave you. And if one day, you want to leave me, I won't go after you, I'll understand." Renji's voice was stern, his brow furrowed.

"I could never.." Byakuya noticeably frowned again.

Renji reached up, caressing Byakuya's face, pulling his lips closer to his. When he closed the distance between them, their lips were warm, soft, almost comforting to one another's. It had been a long time since they had kissed. It deepened and neither objected, even their breath became warm as it mingled together. When they eventually parted both seemed to be in a lighter mood.

Byakuya finished drying Renji's hair, and began to comb it out gently. "I was thinking, we'd go out today? Maybe have lunch, see a movie."

Renji managed a half hearted smile, "That sounds really nice."

"Yes." Byakuya brushed the shimmering red locks, "It does."

_"Oh my god Bya, this food is a-fucking-mazing. Perfect food for a celebration." _

_Byakuya chuckled, "Yeah, just the two of us." His eyes were melted into liquid steel, a sign that he was beyond pleased. "It'll be a long and complicated process you know. It's not just all fun and games." _

_"Of course Bya. But it's finally happening. I'm so happy." Renji smiled around his fork, eliciting a laugh from both men. "I'm so in love with you." _

_"And I you." _

_"I don't know what I'd do without you." Renji gazed lovingly into Byakuya'a hypnotic grey eyes._

_ "Well, you'll never have to figure out, because I plan on being with you forever."_

_ "No matter what?" Renji stuck out his pinky like a child making a minuscule promise. _

_Byakuya looked down at the pinky and smirked, "You can't be serious." _

_"Dead serious." _

_"Fine." Byakuya extended an elegant pinky finger, "No matter what."_

The car ride was as always, tense. Byakuya offered Renji the ability to change the channel to another choice of music if he so wished, but since the redhead shrunk away from the controls of a car, classical music soothingly swayed around the car.

"Where do you want to eat?" Byakuya questioned, flicking the blinker on.

"Uh, I don't know, I haven't been out in so long, and besides, we almost always went to-"

"Well, let's try somewhere new, make some new memories."

"Yeah...new.." Renji trailed off, watching clusters of happy families fill the brightly light streets. The sidewalk itself practically emitted a happy glow, burning at the redheads raw heart.

"I read in the paper about a new ramen house, supposedly it has very well made udon noodles as well." Byakuya's hands reached up to adjust his glasses, he was never this fidgety before, he probably hadn't taken his anxiety medication this morning, even though the dosage he had taken yesterday should've been enough to put down an elephant.

"That sounds good." Renji really attempted to sound excited, because deep down, he was.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, except for the occasional violin solo in the swooshing orchestral music filling the car.

Inside, the ramen house was traditional looking, nothing too unidentifiable. Byakuya got the ramen and Renji the udon. Even though they'd been together for 9 years, it took them over a few minutes to start a conversation. But once they had, things seemed to flow surprisingly well, soon enough Byakuya was extending his chopsticks out to Renji, almost laughing at the way the redhead's mouth gaped open like a fish.

The ramen landed into Renji's mouth as he slurped the rest of the noodles up. "That is pretty good."

"Indeed." Byakuya twirled his chopsticks around in the broth, gazing into Renji's once more invigorated eyes.

"Why don't we do this more often again?" Renji's lips tugged into a half smile, "I miss going out with you."

"Well, then lets make it a weekly thing." Byakuya seemed to regain some of his grace as he lifted his chilled glass to his lips, his long fingers curving around the cup.

"Promise?" Renji's smile grew broader, and Byakuya's breath left his lungs at that sight he missed so much.

Byakuya stuck out his pinky, "I swear on it."

Renji noticed the familiar gesture that he always offered to Byakuya, he remembered everything. The thought made Renji smile again. He reached out his own pinky to swear on it when he heard it.

On the other side of the ramen house, a girl and a boy sat at a table, the girl had her phone out, she played a song for the boy as he listened.

She giggled brightly, "Don't mock me, I like this song."

The boy did not listen, "What is this shit?"

She swatted at him lightly, "It's retro, it's all the rage to listen to oldies stuff lately."

The song was a faded tune, with piano and a band accompaniment, as well as an orchestra backing up a soulful man's sweet and soothing voice. Renji's head snapped back at the sound of the song, his eyes dilating.

_This...song..._

"Renji?" Byakuya questioned, his hand reaching across the table for his.

_Unforgettable, that's what you are.._

_Unforgettable._

The bowl full of udon came crashing to the ground. The ramen shop fell silent, all eyes on the crazed Renji. "That fucking song..." Renji whispered.

Byakuya's grey eyes were wide with a mixture of confusion, exhaustion, and shock. "Renji, what are you-"

"That fucking song!" Renji raised from the table, knocking back the chair, he fled from the building with an earth shaking slam of the front door.

Byakuya was left alone at the table, mortified he wished he could hide his head in his hands. With all eyes on him he managed as much dignity as he could as he placed a thick wad of cash down on the table. With a murmured apology to the waitress he slipped on his sunglasses, and headed out after Renji.

Down the street at a convenience store Renji had just purchased a bottle of whiskey, his were hands shaking as he grasped for money was in his pockets. Slamming down whatever was in his jeans on the counter he fled.

"Your change!" Called out the clerk, but he was already outside, unscrewing the cap and letting the liquid cleanse his palate, ease down his throat.

It calmed him, and soon the song faded out of his mind. He let out a slow breath of air. He didn't justify the actions that he had just committed, but he couldn't help it, he lost control and reason when he was triggered like that. The thoughts left his mind when he was harshly smacked in the back of the head.

He turned to face an unusually enraged Byakuya, he was absolutely furious, which is something he never used to express, but they'd both changed so much in the past year. Byakuya heaved for breath after his out of shape sprint down the street to find that despicable redhead. Although Byakuya was wearing sunglasses, it was as if Renji could still feel his steel eyes boring holes into him.

"What the fuck was that?" Byakuya's voice echoed against the city buildings.

Renji stared blankly at the man he once loved so passionately, the man that he still loved, the man that he absolutely could not let go, even if they fell, they'd fall together.

When Renji didn't answer Byakuya lunged forward, knocking the bottle of whiskey out of his hand, sending it smashing to the ground. Renji didn't even respond to the action, his eyes remained a blank slate.

"What was that Renji? What's wrong with you? I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore!"

Like the sun lowering under the horizon during a sunset, tears welled up in Renji's eyes just the same, and once they broke the barrier, they were trailing, falling effortlessly, shimmering in the evening glow. "That song...Byakuya, that song, was playing...in the car, on the day, the day that..." He couldn't finish, his words were choked out of him, muffled by his sobs.

Byakuya's face melted immediately, "Renji.." He whispered, gathering up his form in his arms. "I...I didn't know."

"I know, I never told you anything about that day. It, it drives me crazy just thinking about it...I...I can't." Renji's face was buried in Byakuya's bonier than usual collar bone.

"Let's, go home." Byakuya guided the disarrayed redhead to the car gently, as if he was trying to hold the pieces of him that were broken together.

_The sun shone down from the parted clouds, it was the perfect day. Kids were in the parks, bugs were in the grass, cars were on the street and everyone felt alive. No one felt stressed, or bothered, or fatigued, it was a day to take for yourself, a day to relax with those you love. These days, what there are of them, are very limited, to say the least, and Renji Abarai was going to take advantage of this day._

_ "Are you sure you can't come?" Renji pleaded with his lower lip bulging out in an adult pout. _

_"Renji, I cannot, I have work. I wish I could." Byakuya was at the door, attempting to put on his shoes, but was being tugged on like string is pulled insistently back by a kittens determined paws. _

_"You're going to miss out. This kinda day only happens once in a lifetime! Look at that sky, it begs to have people playing underneath it. Just, take this one day off, for me. Please?" _

_Byakuya let out a long breath, leaned in and kissed his redheaded partner gently on the lips, "I'll get off early, and meet you two wherever you want me to." He kissed him again, "Does that sound fair?" _

_"Alright." Renji's usually lazy coy smile slid across his mouth, "If I can have one of those kisses again." _

_Byakuya leaned in, mirroring his partners smile, but was stopped by a tug on the perfectly ironed fold running up the length of his trousers. His grey eyes sparked like fireworks, they never ignited this much in his life, not when he made love with Renji, not when he got promoted at work, not when he ran a mile. _

_The young, beautiful girl was lifted up into the air, her pink paisley dress fanning out around her short legs insulated with the soft chubbiness of a child her age. Her eyes shone lavender in the morning sun, like a reflecting lake surface, they mirrored her father's joy. When she giggled, it was the most pure sound that ever filled Byakuya's ears. _

_He leaned in, placing his pink lips against her delicate cheek ever so carefully. "Emiko." He whispered her name delightfully, watching her small white teeth fill out her round face. "Are you excited to go with your dad today?" _

_"Of course." She reached out small fingers to play with one of the loose, thick strands of Byakuya's hair. "But I wish you would come too."_

_ "I'll stop by after work my sweet little sakura blossom." Byakuya laughed softly, innocently, almost child like himself as they hugged, and he kissed the top of her shimmering long black hair. _

_He handed Renji their daughter, and she was passed into one loving embrace into the other as Renji hoisted her up. "You're getting to be so big." Renji exclaimed with an overdramatic sigh. He locked eyes with Byakuya as he gathered his suitcase, "I'll see you soon, call me on your way home." _

_"Of course, have fun you two. I love you both." _

_"Love you too." The daddy daughter pair called out in unison, waving goodbye together. _

_Byakuya laughed to himself at how uncanny it was, they were so alike. He was glad that Emiko had inherited Renji's smile, his laugh, his bright spirit. He couldn't wait to be finished with work, which was a thought he ever rarely had._

_"So, what do you want to do today?" Renji called in a happy hum. _

_"Go play at the park with you daddy." Emiko played with the hem of her dress, his small feet in black simple flat shoes tapped together impatiently. _

_"Aaaannnddd...?" Renji inferred that there should be more. _

_Emiko glanced over, her round cheeks squishing up in her smile, "Eat ice cream?" _

_Renji ruffled her hair with his large tan hand. "That's my girl." They laughed, exchanging similar broad smiles, when they looked away a comfortable silence filled the car. _

_Renji always thought that Emiko had inherited Byakuya's choice of only speaking when necessary, his grace, his intelligence. He was glad that she had those traits of his. The radio began to hum out a slow tune, a tune that fit the day perfectly. Renji reached out and turned the knob up, letting the lyrics spread out through the car. _

_Unforgettable._

_That's what you are._

_"Daddy." Emiko was watching birds outside her window, their wings flapping majestically in the summer sky._

_"Yes?"_

_ "I'm happy." _

_"You are a happy girl." Renji grinned. _

_"And you're a happy daddy." She looked back at Renji, her laughter filled the air, brighter than the hot sun, sweeter than those birds just outside the window. _

_That was the last thing he remembered. Burnt into his memory, haunted him through every nightmare, every moment after that all he could remember was her smile._

_ When he came to, the room smelt like stale blood, like antibiotics and rubber gloves. He tried to move but was stopped by casts holding him in place on his arms, legs, needles stabbed deep into his veins. He groaned out, his parched lips crusted with blood, his mouth tasted like rusty pennies and road salt. _

_He felt hands against his own. What was happening to him? He pried open one eye, his other had given up on him, it was sealed shut tight. It took him a moment for his eyes to focus, even then, it was blurry. _

_He could make out the shape of dark black hair, and pits for eyes. "Bya- Byakuya..?" _

_"Yes Renji, it's me." The hand rubbed gently against his own._

_ "What happened? What am I...doing here?" _

_"There was an accident, Renji." Byakuya's voice was strained, laced with pain, choking back tears he was on the verge of losing his composure, and Renji could tell just from the sound of his voice. _

_"What do you mean?" Renji croaked desperately._

_ "There was a collision at the intersection, the driver of a moving truck ran the red light, apparently he was on his cell phone. It wasn't your fault. But, your car was the only one that was hit. The car itself is completely totaled." Byakuya cleared his throat, "They called me here, and you were a mess, bleeding everywhere. They didn't think they'd be able to save you with all the blood you lost. They rushed you into emergency surgery." He paused again, "You'll be in the ICU for awhile Renji. I'll be honest with you, it's bad."_

_ Renji flexed slightly with frustration, causing a searing pain to shoot down his back and through his legs. "I don't care about me Byakuya. Where is Emiko?" When Byakuya didn't respond, Renji grasped tighter on his hand. "Why aren't you answering me?" He tugged on his hand, causing his own to ache._

_ Byakuya tried to pull away, hiding his face behind his other hand. "Tell me!" He grasped his hand with all the strength he had left. He could feel tears sting his eye, "Where is she?" Renji begged, "Where's our daughter?" _

_"Renji..." Byakuya ripped his hand free from the tight grip of his partners only to reach down for his face, caressing it. He leaned in close, lightly resting his head on his one unbandaged shoulder. _

_Renji's chest heaved with fearful sobs, he gasped for breath, the only thing that was real to him was the feel of Byakuya's hand interlaced with his. "She died on impact. You were hit on her side of the car." _

_The world after that statement, would never feel the same. It felt like he was floating, like his heart was a balloon that had taken off, leaving his chest empty. His skin prickled like he had been stung by a thousand bees, he was cold, inside and out. Nothing was real. This wasn't real. He wasn't real._

He jumped, his skin slick with sweat, he threw back the covers, his bloodshot pupils dilated. "Emiko.." He whispered, feeling empty tears gather in his eyes.

Smooth, soft arms wrapped around him and pulled him back down to the enveloping comfort of the bed below. "Shhh..." Byakuya's hand pressed against his tattooed forehead, disposing a majority of the sweat. "Do you need anything?"

His voice was muddled in his ears, "No..." Renji sighed, his body still tense in the bed sheets. He shivered when he felt Byakuya's cool hands trace across his arm, stopping on one of the many scars he had received from the accident.

"You know.." Byakuya began, his fingers tracing the scared tissue gently. "I only saw you once naked since that accident."

"So?" Renji questioned, his eyes scrunching closed.

"You only let me help you bathe once, and after that, you wouldn't let me touch you, look at you, barely even talk to you."

"Can you blame me, Byakuya?" Renji ripped his arm away. "I'm hideous, inside and out."

"You are not." Byakuya commanded.

"Byakuya..." Renji's voice cracked, his chest trembled up and down with each breath. "I'm sorry..." Tears glistened down his face, "I'm so sorry.."

"It wasn't your fault, do you understand me?" Byakuya wiped away at his tears. "Don't apologize. I love you too much to see you hurt like this anymore."

"Do you really love me still?"

"Yes." Byakuya's mercury eyes sparked in the grey dimness of the room. "If I wanted to leave, I would've left by now. But I need you. I will never love someone as much as I love you." Byakuya grabbed Renji's face, forcing him to look at him. "Do you understand me?"

More tears fell from the redheads eyes, "Yes. Byakuya..." His name was almost like a soft plea falling from his lips.

With a tilt of his head Byakuya leaned in, capturing his lips once more, like they used to, it was so warm, so perfect. Renji's shaking hands reached up, grasping onto Byakuya's sleeping kimono, pulling himself in deeper to his velvet touch, and his forgiving lips. They hadn't kissed like this in a long time, they hadn't even made love since before Emiko passed, over a year ago.

Byakuya slowly removed himself from the kiss. "Stay." He had a tone in his voice that was almost like he was begging him to stay, that he himself, was as broken as his partner, even though he never let it show quite the same way.

"I love you." Renji murmured, "I'm not going anywhere."

Byakuya brushed back stray strands of red hair, cupping his chin in his hand. "I've been waiting for you to say that for a long time." Byakuya buried his head into the redhead's chest. "Never leave me again."

Renji's hands shakily made their way through his ebony hair. "I won't." He promised, his voice full of certainty for the first time in a long time.

Somewhere in between the silence, their lips found each other again, and hands began to travel with repressed passion, breath became hot against one another. Soon enough, the clothes were tossed aside, and so was the hesitance, so was the doubt. Byakuya didn't pause when his lips found many a new scar on Renji's golden tattooed canvas of skin, he just embraced them with the same amount of love he gave the rest of Renji's body.

Byakuya's mouth trailed across the redhead's still sculpted chest, feeling his lungs rattle with each ragged breath, his pulse thump steadily against him. He could feel Renji's firm grip on his shoulders, the nails scratching at him, he longed for this feeling, the connection of two bodies, the emotion displayed in front of his eyes.

Renji's auburn eyes were lit as he looked at Byakuya, he called out his name, letting it fade into a slurred moan. "Byakuya..." He whispered again, his breath unevenly slapping against his pale chest.

"Yes?" Breathed out Byakuya.

"Now, please.."

"Of course." Byakuya's lips leaned down to meet his, and Renji could feel his heart helplessly flutter, as if it was the first time they had kissed, when they were still teens staying out till dawn, teasing each other and loving one another like there would never be anything better than this.

When they stopped placing the boundaries around themselves, when they stopped crying, and fighting, and hurting, everything crashed down, in that glorious moment. Renji could no longer meet his eyes, his chest was tight, his body shaking, just like his heart. Everything Byakuya gave him, was precious, each glance, no matter how heated, or how sweet poured through his mind.

His arms reached out, tightening around him, "Byakuya..." His breath was quiet, his words soft.

Byakuya gave a breathy, longing sigh, as he kissed him all over his face, his neck, his shoulders, treasuring each space of beloved tan skin. The movements he made were so slow, so full, yet at the same time gentle and meaningful.

Renji couldn't breathe, his world filling with stars, his eyes a hazy auburn, and all he could do was grip uselessly onto Byakuya's shoulders and lose himself in the devine feelings crawling up his spine, making his toes crunch. When Byakuya's fingers enveloped him, he was surprised to feel the shaking of his ivory hands. Byakuya was completely gone, he was so in love with him that his body would not obey his will.

He trembled with a soft moan, he was so utterly exposed in that moment, Renji soaked it up with his eyes, hoping to never forget the glow of his cheeks and the glaze in his eyes right before they fell closed, those cherry blossom lips breathing his name again and again. When his warmth filled him, Renji felt so satisfied, like he too was now warm again. His back made a perfect arch off the silken sheets, and his fingernails made desperate scrapes against Byakuya's back.

It felt like the first time. It was better than the first time. There was something about the way Byakuya looked down at him afterwords that made Renji feel like he meant something, even if it was only to him and no one else. As their bodies separated, and the hearts had calmed their insistent thump, the soft sheets were pulled up and around them both.

Renji's head lie in the crux of Byakuya's smooth shoulder. "You mean everything to me." Byakuya murmured.

Renji thought he almost heard a tremor in his voice. He could almost hear the tears glistening down his perfect porcelain face in the night glow. Renji reached up a hand, caressing the side of his face, he was not surprised to feel those hidden tears. He had never known a persons tears to be as genuine as Byakuya's. His tears were never for one reason, they were never for one emotion, they were all the things he had never said, all the things he couldn't express.

Renji wished he could gather them up with his lips and kiss them away, but he knew they were necessary. He knew every reason behind each tear he shed that night. He knew every reason Byakuya held onto him tight, and why he hid his face against his chest. He knew this time, he would hold him close, until the morning sun rose once again.


End file.
